ex problems

ex problems

It's been exactly one year since I broke up with my ex yet until now, I still can't help but feel mad about what has happened. My guilty pleasure is stalking him and his new girl wishing they end up unhappy. I'm pissed off. How can he be in a happy relationship and I'm not? I spend most of my time listening to music that makes me feel happy but am I really? When SZA's new album came out, I can't help but get mad at him. It reminded me of how much he treated me poorly and of how big his impact was on my life. It's funny cause I listened to Jhene Aiko's album "Chilombo" when I was in the middle of moving on. I was really trying my best to heal and forget about what happened. But SZA came in and said, "no, you need to let out all your anger first." This is another proof that healing isn't linear and that I'm supposed to let it all out. Embrace your subconscious. Cause SZA knew what exactly I was thinking and she had the bravery to admit it in her songs. Especially with that song "Special". Oh God, I hate my ex so much. I hate how turned me into a fucking loser. 

I wish I was special
I gave all my special away to a loser
Now, I'm just a loser
I used to be special
But you made me hate me
Regret that I changed me
I hate that you made me just like you

I really hate that man. I really do. There's nothing in the world that could undo all the shit that he did to me. I wish him nothing but the worst. I pray he gets what he deserves. He deserves less. The absolute fucking worst.