𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙤

out of reach

09/25/20 9:31 a.m.

    who would've known, that after all these years, my heart would still yearn for you...it's funny because this isn't really the first time that i wrote about you. you were all over my 10th grade diary. your name was fucking tatted on those pages. oh god, i'll never fucking forget you. you were there on my glory days. sad days. bad days. you were there every single day. 

    it's been three whole years. summer '16. i'll never forget how we met. of course it wasn't a special meet-cute story. we met online. we studied in different schools, you were in my uncle's advisory class. well, actually, i had a boyfriend when we first started talking so we never really got anywhere. but in summer '17, you hit me up and i responded because at fucking last, we were actually both single. you invited me over for your birthday and to meet your family as well. that time, i was just feeling pure bliss. 

    for nine whole months of our relationship, i was just really happy that you were there. and that you were with me. you were my safe haven. as cliché as it may sound, you were my home. you FEEL like home, even up until now. i was so comfortable with you that i feel like i'm myself the most when i am with you.when we broke up because of me, it didn't hit me just yet. i was with somebody else at that time which was why i didn't feel any regret losing you. i cheated...and it was when those days, that i fucked you up. i was happy with somebody else, and you were grieving and losing your shit. you started going back to your old ways, you started dropping out of school, you pretty much lost most of the things you had when i hurt you. and i didn't even think about it then because all i ever thought about was myself. it wasn't up until recently, that i realized that i shouldn't have treated you like that. i was so immature back then. i literally wasted a diamond over pebbles. you know what my favorite song is right now? heartbreak anniversary by giveon. that song is pretty self-explanatory but basically, it reminds me of you.

    i read your old letters to me last time. it brought back so many memories from the time that we were still together. i have forgotten how so understanding you were until i read the letters you gave me. i guess, it was the fact that you let my shit slide every time. you were already so mature back then, when were both 15-16 years old...you were my second boyfriend pero i can say you are my first true love. you were my healthiest relationship and you're actually the number one reason why i would never settle for less because you treated me like a fucking princess. i literally took you for granted. 

    i know we still flirt from time to time, pero it's amazing how you kept it real mature and natural even all these years. i guess it's because you already forgave me.